I was cleaning up around here after everyone went to bed and I stumbled over Ryan’s sandals. This is not unusual but it did remind me of our camping trip a few weeks ago (stay with me here). I had to, I mean absolutely had to take a shower. I could not envision sticking my newly cleaner (you can’t actually get clean in a campground shower) feet in my disgusting filthy sneakers so I took Ryan’s sandals and figured I could leave the velcro straps open for my walk back to the campsite. To my shock and dismay they fit. My first baby’s feet are as big as mine. Now at a ladies six 6 1/2 my feet are not large – but still.
I don’t know why but this is really big for me. He is getting so tall and gangly. I am definitely not ready for this. He is only ten and due to his autism emotionally he is much younger. Why can’t his body get on board and stay little for me.
It is such a mixed bag of feelings. I see him climbing on the swingset or gently helping his little sister in and out of her baby pool. I see him taking out the garbage without being asked or making his own breakfast and I am filled with pride for this child whose life is so much harder than I can imagine. He has overcome so much and has accomplished so much more than I was led to believe he could. Why does he have to go so fast though? Why do they all? No one clued me in that it would only take ten years for me to begin to be inched out of my absolute necessity. Ten years is not long enough to be the center of his world. He is still the center of mine. I don’t see that changing anytime soon.
It is normal and good and I am glad he starting to make his first little steps of independence. Really I am.
I am just going to go throw out those sandals now.